East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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