So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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