Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
