I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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