In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
