tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
