sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
