I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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