i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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