You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
