I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
