I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
