Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
