One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
