So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
