He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
