I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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