youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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