Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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