Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
