ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
