you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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