is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
