I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
