Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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