genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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