I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
