ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
