how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
