he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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