Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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