You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
