Jerry, you need to find god
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
