College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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