I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
