Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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