I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize