Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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