Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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