My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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