PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
