this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
