dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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