I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
