Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
