youre lurking in front of me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
