My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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