Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
