My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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