I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
