Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize