Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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