College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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