left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
