just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
