It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
