I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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