i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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