i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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