He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize