she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
