The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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