maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
