How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
