THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
