yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i will never coherently bang her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
God I need to hump something, right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
