That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
