cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
