my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
