he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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