fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
