Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I supernannyed him into submission
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
