I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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